A Moment of Reflection Before the New Year Arrives...

It is 2010...wow. It's been a whole year and I still have a hard time believing it. I don't usually fall prey to delusions of grandeur, but this year has really been a good one for me. Graduated from Harvard. Moved to a foreign country. Visited other countries. Learning Arabic (trying to anyways, lol). But there are things that have occurred this year that are not so tangible. One of those things is my realization about my views and perspective about myself and relationships in general. I used to think that everything from my end had to be perfect before I courted a woman. For a long time, I did not have a girlfriend. I don't have one now, by the way. I just felt that I had to bring my 'A' game and that I had to have EVERYTHING in order before I could be ready for my queen. There have been several models of relationships in my life that did not end well because one of the pair did not have something the other THOUGHT they possessed. In the interest of being fair, I've also had models in my life that, despite seemly insurmountable odds, couples have grown closer and love each other more everyday.

An ex-girlfriend asked me, on more than one occasion, "Do you want to be married?" Each time I immediately replied, "Of course I do!" That answered hasn't changed but I took an opportunity to think about why I wasn't already married. I have a real fear of commitment. It's not because I want to be with multiple women. It's because I want to be with only one woman. Relationships take time, TRUST, effort, TRUST, compassion & understanding, TRUST, and a willingness to be flexible. Did I mention TRUST?? That's another one of my challenges I'm working on. I have a hard time trusting that a woman will treat me the same way she did initially. I'm sure some women have that same fear about men. It seems like everyone is wearing a mask. They want to hide the ugly parts of their character and psyche. Now, I don't think you should be whipping out the ugly on the first date, and you should always put your best foot forward, but to completely change who you are for someone else will not, cannot last. My trust issues aren't limited to relationships with the fairer sex. For so long I've had the mindset of not trusting ANYONE with the burdens that I carry. Very few people know my complete life story. I can probably count on one hand the number of people that know EVERYTHING. Last week my own sister told me that she doesn't even know who my best friends are. Somehow, I've compartmentalized my life and those in it. There is not a lot of crossover between my family and friends. A part of that could be my sister and her family live in another state. But that's no real reason either. I visit a friend and her family every Christmas I'm in Dallas. She told me as long as she's known me, almost 11 years, I've never invited her over to meet my family. I thought about it for a moment and she was right. She assumed I was either embarrassed about her or my family. I wasn't embarrassed. I don't have an excuse. I never meant to offend her or any of my other friends. I just rather go out. That's just the way it's always been.

I've always thought my problems are nothing compared to others in the world. Comparing myself to others is something I hate doing. Yet, in this moment, I've realized that I've been comparing my problems to OPP (other people's problems, at least that's what it means here, lol), and deemed them unworthy of mention. That's probably because it's easier to deal with someone else's problems than it is your own. There are a lot of people that don't liked to be judged. Count me among that number. That's probably another reason why I've carry and held in my problems and thoughts about them. For fear of judgment.

We all know about intrinsic motivation, about lighting a fire under your own butt. Fear, for the most part, has been that fire. Now, some say I've accomplished a lot from that motivation, but I believe A LOT more could have been done with a more positive motivator. I definitely would have made some different decisions this past year if fear was not a motivator. Fear should never be a determining factor for a decision. I am in the process of removing fear as a motivator. What will take its place? I don't know. But I know it has to be something more valid. Maybe not so much logical, but reasonable.

Commitment means tying a string from you to the objective/person/idea/etc... The more strings you use to tie yourself to that construct, the more permanent it becomes. A rope begins to form. A bond, that increases in strength the more connections are made.

A good man will put thought, time, and effort into cultivating a relationship with his QUEEN. Making the decision to spend the rest of your life with someone should not be made out of fear. I don't see how it could be. A clear head MUST be had in order to make such a life-altering decision. Fellas we expect a lot from the ladies, but what are we expecting from ourselves? Ladies, can you allow your man to be the man? Relationships are partnerships. Everyday, the roles of a gender are alternating. The two things that must be consistent is communication and TRUST. I could go on about this, but that's all I want to say about it for now.

I laughed, along with most of the US, when Ron Artest thanked his psychiatrist in the 2010 Finals. But now that I think about it, mental health is no laughing matter. We should encourage each other to open up and talk more. Depression is a REAL disease. The stats are about 5 years old but according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), about 26.2% of the US population ages 18 and older have some sort of mental disorder in any given year. With the US economy the way it is now, I can't imagine that number decreasing since 2005. Click here to read more. Most of us have had the feeling of a weight being lifted when you discuss what's troubling you. Why is it so hard to open up? Men, we can still be men and relieve some of your burdens too. Pride is a horrible thing. I struggle with it daily. But I just keep reminding myself that I can be a man and talk about my feelings. No one will ever change my mind about that. Is it going to happen overnight for me? No. I can think about it, learn from past events, and conceive situations in which I will be more expressive, but the true change won't happen until I'm in situations that require me to TRUST.

This was an "all over the place" post. Thank y'all for reading it.

Happy New Years.

"Here's wishing you good mental health."- Dr. Frasier Crane/Kelsey Grammer

“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”
-Walter Anderson

It's The Little Things...

We've all heard that phrase at one point in our lives. It usually ends with, "... that you cherish," "...in Life that make it worth living," or something along those lines. I've decided to go with another ending: It's the little things, that are actually big things when you think about it, that make you realize you're in another country. I'm sure there are plenty more than the ones I've listed below, but I've decided just to go with these. If you can think of some others, post them in the comments section.


1. Saudi Arabia's flag in the classroom. Do you remember, in elementary school, you stood up and pledged allegiance to the US Flag? In Texas, we pledged allegiance to the state flag as well.

"Honor the Texas Flag;
I pledge allegiance to thee,
Texas, one and indivisible.

Yeah, that's not happening here. At least not in the intermediary school, 7th-9th grades.


2. Commas used as decimals. My students are accustom to using decimal commas and periods as place value separator (PVS) or digit group separator (DGS). I don't exactly remember when I first encountered this, but I remember feeling very peculiar about it. Silly closed-minded American. I am in the process of transiting them from decimal commas to decimals points. It can be confusing for the teacher as well. There are several times I've had to scratch out my own markings because I realized their answer was correct but they used a decimal as a DGS. Another reason why I love math: it's an opportunity to learn how other countries use familiar symbols in a new way. To read more about decimal marks click here.


3. I imagine in most US schools you will see pictures of past presidents line a wall near the main office. If not there, then probably in a U.S. History class. Yeah, that's not happening here either. We have pictures of KANGS. No, not Elvis Presley nor Bernie Mac, RIP. King Abdullah Bin Abdulaziz's picture is posted prominently outside the boys' school's multipurpose room. It's not the picture I mentioned earlier, but click here to see a picture of him with President Obama.


4. My southern drawl helped me pronounce someone's name. I really don't have anything else to add to that. I just thought it was pretty cool. :-D


5. Faculty meetings in Arabic. I have two weekly meetings. One is with the intermediary and secondary math teachers. The second one combines the math and science departments. Pretty much everyone understands some English, but their native language is Arabic. Even though a co-worker would translate for me, I used to feel detached from the group. Now, I use it as an opportunity to pick out words, learn the context of its use and English translation. Lemonade from lemons...


6. Fast food made fresh. Having it your way at Burger King usually means that you'll have it in your hands within two to four minutes. That's not the case here. If I order a whooper with cheese, the order is prepared fresh. And no, I don't think they use camel meat, smart-butts. It usually takes about 10 minutes. They have a drive-thru window, but I don't know how often it's used. You might as well get out of your car and wait in the establishment.


7. Constellations. I can't remember the position of Orion in the US, but here, I believe he's on his left side. The Three Kings...


8. Is there separation between Mosque and Kingdom? Nope. Sometimes, I'm still amazed that there is time factored in the students' schedule to allow them to pray. In the US, usually the only time I've seen students pray is when I run into them at church, or right before a test. Well, latter one is a practice American and Saudi students share. :-)


9. I am a foreign-born teacher. As a young boy, I remember making fun of the way most of my foreign-born teachers talked. I now understand the courage it took for them to leave their home country and experience a new one for the grand purpose of "the better making of men." I could have been more understanding and patient with teachers who had thick accents. The kids here are able to understand me for the most part. There are a few that ask me to repeat something or slow down. My Arabic is, in my best Charles Barkley voice, turrible. Most of my students are quick to help me with pronouncing the words. Though there are sounds that I have yet to perfect, and may not for some time, I am encouraged by my students' willingness to support me. I can't say I did the same with my teachers. I apologize.


10. When's the best time to run errands? After 7pm. Anytime during the day can be a crap shoot. Businesses SHUT DOWN for prayer. It can sometimes take them an hour to re-open. A business can also be closed for no reason! It's very frustrating to wait in a car for a store to open up and it wasn't even closed for prayer. It's usually best to go straight home from work, take a nap, and then go back out. I'll probably elaborate more about this in a later post.

Talk to y'all later.

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were big things."- Robert Brault

Wolfman Gets His Ears Lowered

It's been almost two months since I've had a haircut. As you may have gathered from the title of this post, I was a hairy man. I was finally able to go to a barber in my neighborhood that a few of my friends recommended. All of my previous barbers have done the following: drop everything to argue down another customer. He could be doing a great job of cutting your hair and is quick about it. He's about half way through your hair cut, and in walks this fool that wants to have a debate with your barber. SMH... it never fails. The barber begins his argument by telling the other person "You're a [dang] lie! Tom Brady is not the best quarterback of all time! Peyton Manning is!" You immediately begin to think to yourself, "Mother [Father]!!" So as the two engage in the battle of "wits," you're looking like you cut our own hair using a fun house mirror and some safe scissors. Every now and then, he'll shave off a whisker or two, then back to debating the jive turkey that started this mess. 30 minutes later, your hair cut is complete. You've paid your bill and dapped up the barber. As soon as you finish the dap, he turns around and says, "Now what was that [nonsense] you were talking earlier? Brady who?" This was also the case here in Saudi Arabia. But I had no idea what they were saying because they were speaking Arabic. It wasn't a very animated nor long conversation. Which is always good. I hate when people come in the shop and piss off my barber while I'm in the chair! The barber also answered his phone and carried on a conversation. But this was while the customer before me was in the chair. So, it appears that answering their cell phone while cutting your hair is also a universal trait of all barbers. HOWEVER, the quality of the care versus the cost here was even better than getting your hair cut in the 1st floor bathroom of a freshman dorm by your RA from STRONG ISLAND for $10 (HU RHO!). The service included: hair cut (Caesar, of course), edging with a straight razor that was cleaned with fire in front of you, beard and mustache grooming, exfoliating with coconut mixture and steamed towel, face massage, aftershave and shoulder massage. I told him I was good on the shoulder massage, LOL. But this man also possessed another trait that is common with other barbers: being deeply interested in your life. He wanted to know where I'm from, what I did and what was I doing in Saudi Arabia. Obviously, there were some things that were different. In this shop, there was no hip hop or reggae playing in the background, there was no smell of burnt hair, and not a single pedestrian came in requesting to use the facilities. I never noticed until now how much I miss those little things. The total cost of the service was 20 Riyals. Which is about $5.33 tip included. I quickly got over my nostalgia once I learned the cost of such excellent service by Joel, my barber.


So tell me, did I get a bargain?

Dinnertime!!

I know it's been almost a month since I posted my first blog entry. I appreciate everyone that has inquired about my life here in Saudi Arabia. Time passes so quickly. I can't believe I've already been here a month. But, no EXCUSES. I will do a better job of keeping you informed about the happenings here in the Kingdom. My apologies to everyone that has called, emailed, text, FaceBooked, or any other way you communicated with me that you wanted to know what's going on. In the previous post I said I will talk about certain things in the following post. I apologize for misleading you. I've decided not to predetermine what my next entry will be about. You all will be informed about what happened in Dubai and other events that have occurred since the first post. For now, enjoy Dinnertime!

What the hell am I doing?!?!?!...

...Were the words that I REPEATEDLY thought as I waited in the international terminal at Boston Logan, as I flew over the Atlantic Ocean, as I waited out my four-hour layover in London Heathrow, as I refueled in Riyadh, as I landed in Dammam, and as I type this, the initial entry to my first blog. A young African American man from Richardson, TX, a suburb of Dallas, has traveled to a destination that is on the other side of the Prime Meridian. To see the approximate distance, click here. An additional 225 miles should be added from Riyadh to Dammam.

No EXCUSES. I was nervous. As I looked out of my plane window, I saw the desert. It did not look harsh or unforgiving. It looked calm, dark but peaceful. Blood drained from my face, and my fingertips felt numb as I landed in Dammam, exited the plane, and came upon the immigration line in the Dammam Airport. I thought, “Oh God, I do not want to go to a Saudi Arabian jail!” A totally irrational thought. I had all my documents in order and nothing illegal on me. Why was I so worried about jail? Probably because of what I’d heard or seen on TV, whether it was the news or a movie. I ASSUMED that I would be given a hard time because of the color of my passport. An immigration official reviewed my paperwork, took my fingerprints and picture, and told me, “Welcome to Saudi Arabia.” It’s official. For the next two years, I’ll be living in a country, that is seven hours ahead of the East Coast of America, as a foreigner. The best way to describe the look on my face ----> 0_o

So, without any further delay, on to the questions most people I have encountered ask me: “Why are you doing this?” As uncomplicated a question that is, it has a complicated answer. I am not where I expected to be in Life. Am I appreciative of the people and experiences I’ve had in my life? ABSOLUTELY! I thank God everyday for all that has happened in my life thus far. We all know that we have a finite amount of time on this Earth, plane of existence, or whatever you want to call it. We live, and then we die. For me it’s November 6, 1981-????. But the most important part of your life is the dash. What is that dash comprised of? What have you done with your life, and are your happy with the results? Remember that you can only change certain circumstances. Focus on those. That is what I’m doing. A cataclysmic event changed my life in 2001. The passing of my mother, changed me. This event was something I never thought about. I felt powerless, confused, and without direction. I was able to slowly build myself back up with friends, family and, of course, God. I believe myself to be a good man. A man who has gone through a trial or two in his life. A man who has take Life’s numerous bumps and blows. I don’t think of myself as someone who’s had it hard. Just a man that has been tested. I’ve failed miserably on some tests. And I’ve beasted some tests. Yes, beasted. That means I did exceedingly well. Why didn’t I just say that? It’s my blog, that’s why. I’ll say what I want. But I digress… degrease :-) The point is, I’m not complaining about my current situation. Hell, I’m in a position to be a part of something unique and few can say they’ve experienced. Travel to the Middle East, VOLUNTARILY, and be an “ambassador” of the US. Don’t get me wrong; I’m not in The Middle East because my mother died. I’ve experienced how an exceptional incident can alter one’s perspective and thought process. I’m initiating another alteration of my perspective. “There are other ways to take control of your life,” one might say. That’s true, but this is my path. Some may find my decisions and actions to be unnerving. If that’s what they think, then so be it. But I’m living my life, my way.

I’ve thought about living overseas for years! It’s something I’ve always believe Americans should do for several reasons. A few of them are: 1) There are plenty of people that have never been outside of the city they were born in. Don’t limit yourself. Travel. Learn. Live. Love… or hate. Whatever. You won’t know how you truly feel about something until you get out of your own backyard. 2) A good portion of the world thinks that we, Americans, are pretentious. We’re bunch of know-it-alls that don’t know anything. I’ve not only heard this from pundits on the news, but actual conversations with people from other countries that were visiting America. Traveling shows our willingness to reach out, interact, and learn from people of different cultures and religions on their home turf. Learning and humility are never bad things. 3) You’re able to speak intelligently about issues that affect the entire world, not just about when Brett Favre will retire (soon, I hope). 4) Putting yourself in a vulnerable state will help strengthen areas of your life that have never been challenged before, reinforce your convictions and give yourself a confidence that you probably never felt before. In a country whose dominate, and I do mean dominate, religion is Islam, my Christian beliefs have already been fortified.

Why Saudi Arabia? Like most people, I’ve often thought about traveling overseas to Europe, Africa, Australia or Asia. 1) When I was presented with the opportunity to apply for this fellowship, I initially thought, “No thanks.” But then I thought, “Why should I go to places everyone wants to go? There’s nothing wrong with those places it’s just that I should think about doing something new, something different, something outside the norm.” 2) It is an incredible opportunity to learn about something I truly am ignorant about, the customs, cultures, and convictions of the people in the Middle East. Side Note: As I type this, the muezzin is making his call for prayer. Friday services and five times a day he calls out to inform Muslims that it is prayer time. Yeah, the weekends are on Thursday and Friday. Back to my point, this developing country has a lot to teach me. As ironic as it may sound, I came here, not so much to teach, but to be taught. The research I did led me to believe I could have an incredible experience here. Thus far, that has held true. Everyone I’ve encountered here has been helpful and friendly. I’ll elaborate more at a later time. 3) The chance for travel would be plentiful. The Middle East is centrally located to several destinations that I desire to visit. The places I mentioned before, and many others, are all reasonable distances from Saudi Arabia. My greatest opportunity to travel will be during the summer vacation but I’ll still travel as often as I can until then. I hope to meet many of my friends overseas too! If you’re interested in meeting up somewhere, let me know! 4) I would be an inaugural Harvard Fellow. That’s something that sparked my interest. This fed into my ideas of being a trailblazer. The Harvard name was attached to it so I knew I would be taken care of. That has been proven true as well. 5) This was an opportunity to meet, interact, and visit people and places I only knew about through informal conversations with people, CNN, Fox News, Google, and Wikipedia.

Why now? I am single, with no children. That doesn’t mean I couldn’t have done this if I wasn’t married with kids. But it would have been much more difficult. I’m hoping to use this as a bridge between my Masters programs and a doctorate in Mathematics Education *crosses fingers*. I’ve NEVER had to use a passport to enter a country. I’ve been to the Bahamas, but I didn’t need a passport to visit Nassau. Yes, my first true international experience, minus my layover in London, is taking place in Saudi Arabia.

So, to answer the question posed in title of this post, I am doing something that will help me grow as a person. I am doing something that will leave a lasting impact on the rest of my life. I am doing something that I’ve always wanted to do, but never had the resources to complete. I am doing something that I encourage everyone that reads this blog to do: take a chance.

Thank you for taking time to read this. Please post any comments, questions, concerns, suggestions, or recommendations. Share this blog with your friends and on your facebook!! To view some of my pics of The Kingdom, please visit my facebook page, here. If you're not one of my friends just add me and let me know who you are!

Next post, insha’Allah (God willing): The Crib, The Roommate, The Car, The Institution, The Metric, The Funds, The Grub, annnnnnnd The Water Closet. :-D

“Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.” -Maria Robinson