A Moment of Reflection Before the New Year Arrives...

It is 2010...wow. It's been a whole year and I still have a hard time believing it. I don't usually fall prey to delusions of grandeur, but this year has really been a good one for me. Graduated from Harvard. Moved to a foreign country. Visited other countries. Learning Arabic (trying to anyways, lol). But there are things that have occurred this year that are not so tangible. One of those things is my realization about my views and perspective about myself and relationships in general. I used to think that everything from my end had to be perfect before I courted a woman. For a long time, I did not have a girlfriend. I don't have one now, by the way. I just felt that I had to bring my 'A' game and that I had to have EVERYTHING in order before I could be ready for my queen. There have been several models of relationships in my life that did not end well because one of the pair did not have something the other THOUGHT they possessed. In the interest of being fair, I've also had models in my life that, despite seemly insurmountable odds, couples have grown closer and love each other more everyday.

An ex-girlfriend asked me, on more than one occasion, "Do you want to be married?" Each time I immediately replied, "Of course I do!" That answered hasn't changed but I took an opportunity to think about why I wasn't already married. I have a real fear of commitment. It's not because I want to be with multiple women. It's because I want to be with only one woman. Relationships take time, TRUST, effort, TRUST, compassion & understanding, TRUST, and a willingness to be flexible. Did I mention TRUST?? That's another one of my challenges I'm working on. I have a hard time trusting that a woman will treat me the same way she did initially. I'm sure some women have that same fear about men. It seems like everyone is wearing a mask. They want to hide the ugly parts of their character and psyche. Now, I don't think you should be whipping out the ugly on the first date, and you should always put your best foot forward, but to completely change who you are for someone else will not, cannot last. My trust issues aren't limited to relationships with the fairer sex. For so long I've had the mindset of not trusting ANYONE with the burdens that I carry. Very few people know my complete life story. I can probably count on one hand the number of people that know EVERYTHING. Last week my own sister told me that she doesn't even know who my best friends are. Somehow, I've compartmentalized my life and those in it. There is not a lot of crossover between my family and friends. A part of that could be my sister and her family live in another state. But that's no real reason either. I visit a friend and her family every Christmas I'm in Dallas. She told me as long as she's known me, almost 11 years, I've never invited her over to meet my family. I thought about it for a moment and she was right. She assumed I was either embarrassed about her or my family. I wasn't embarrassed. I don't have an excuse. I never meant to offend her or any of my other friends. I just rather go out. That's just the way it's always been.

I've always thought my problems are nothing compared to others in the world. Comparing myself to others is something I hate doing. Yet, in this moment, I've realized that I've been comparing my problems to OPP (other people's problems, at least that's what it means here, lol), and deemed them unworthy of mention. That's probably because it's easier to deal with someone else's problems than it is your own. There are a lot of people that don't liked to be judged. Count me among that number. That's probably another reason why I've carry and held in my problems and thoughts about them. For fear of judgment.

We all know about intrinsic motivation, about lighting a fire under your own butt. Fear, for the most part, has been that fire. Now, some say I've accomplished a lot from that motivation, but I believe A LOT more could have been done with a more positive motivator. I definitely would have made some different decisions this past year if fear was not a motivator. Fear should never be a determining factor for a decision. I am in the process of removing fear as a motivator. What will take its place? I don't know. But I know it has to be something more valid. Maybe not so much logical, but reasonable.

Commitment means tying a string from you to the objective/person/idea/etc... The more strings you use to tie yourself to that construct, the more permanent it becomes. A rope begins to form. A bond, that increases in strength the more connections are made.

A good man will put thought, time, and effort into cultivating a relationship with his QUEEN. Making the decision to spend the rest of your life with someone should not be made out of fear. I don't see how it could be. A clear head MUST be had in order to make such a life-altering decision. Fellas we expect a lot from the ladies, but what are we expecting from ourselves? Ladies, can you allow your man to be the man? Relationships are partnerships. Everyday, the roles of a gender are alternating. The two things that must be consistent is communication and TRUST. I could go on about this, but that's all I want to say about it for now.

I laughed, along with most of the US, when Ron Artest thanked his psychiatrist in the 2010 Finals. But now that I think about it, mental health is no laughing matter. We should encourage each other to open up and talk more. Depression is a REAL disease. The stats are about 5 years old but according to the National Institute of Mental Health (NIMH), about 26.2% of the US population ages 18 and older have some sort of mental disorder in any given year. With the US economy the way it is now, I can't imagine that number decreasing since 2005. Click here to read more. Most of us have had the feeling of a weight being lifted when you discuss what's troubling you. Why is it so hard to open up? Men, we can still be men and relieve some of your burdens too. Pride is a horrible thing. I struggle with it daily. But I just keep reminding myself that I can be a man and talk about my feelings. No one will ever change my mind about that. Is it going to happen overnight for me? No. I can think about it, learn from past events, and conceive situations in which I will be more expressive, but the true change won't happen until I'm in situations that require me to TRUST.

This was an "all over the place" post. Thank y'all for reading it.

Happy New Years.

"Here's wishing you good mental health."- Dr. Frasier Crane/Kelsey Grammer

“We're never so vulnerable than when we trust someone - but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy”
-Walter Anderson

It's The Little Things...

We've all heard that phrase at one point in our lives. It usually ends with, "... that you cherish," "...in Life that make it worth living," or something along those lines. I've decided to go with another ending: It's the little things, that are actually big things when you think about it, that make you realize you're in another country. I'm sure there are plenty more than the ones I've listed below, but I've decided just to go with these. If you can think of some others, post them in the comments section.


1. Saudi Arabia's flag in the classroom. Do you remember, in elementary school, you stood up and pledged allegiance to the US Flag? In Texas, we pledged allegiance to the state flag as well.

"Honor the Texas Flag;
I pledge allegiance to thee,
Texas, one and indivisible.

Yeah, that's not happening here. At least not in the intermediary school, 7th-9th grades.


2. Commas used as decimals. My students are accustom to using decimal commas and periods as place value separator (PVS) or digit group separator (DGS). I don't exactly remember when I first encountered this, but I remember feeling very peculiar about it. Silly closed-minded American. I am in the process of transiting them from decimal commas to decimals points. It can be confusing for the teacher as well. There are several times I've had to scratch out my own markings because I realized their answer was correct but they used a decimal as a DGS. Another reason why I love math: it's an opportunity to learn how other countries use familiar symbols in a new way. To read more about decimal marks click here.


3. I imagine in most US schools you will see pictures of past presidents line a wall near the main office. If not there, then probably in a U.S. History class. Yeah, that's not happening here either. We have pictures of KANGS. No, not Elvis Presley nor Bernie Mac, RIP. King Abdullah Bin Abdulaziz's picture is posted prominently outside the boys' school's multipurpose room. It's not the picture I mentioned earlier, but click here to see a picture of him with President Obama.


4. My southern drawl helped me pronounce someone's name. I really don't have anything else to add to that. I just thought it was pretty cool. :-D


5. Faculty meetings in Arabic. I have two weekly meetings. One is with the intermediary and secondary math teachers. The second one combines the math and science departments. Pretty much everyone understands some English, but their native language is Arabic. Even though a co-worker would translate for me, I used to feel detached from the group. Now, I use it as an opportunity to pick out words, learn the context of its use and English translation. Lemonade from lemons...


6. Fast food made fresh. Having it your way at Burger King usually means that you'll have it in your hands within two to four minutes. That's not the case here. If I order a whooper with cheese, the order is prepared fresh. And no, I don't think they use camel meat, smart-butts. It usually takes about 10 minutes. They have a drive-thru window, but I don't know how often it's used. You might as well get out of your car and wait in the establishment.


7. Constellations. I can't remember the position of Orion in the US, but here, I believe he's on his left side. The Three Kings...


8. Is there separation between Mosque and Kingdom? Nope. Sometimes, I'm still amazed that there is time factored in the students' schedule to allow them to pray. In the US, usually the only time I've seen students pray is when I run into them at church, or right before a test. Well, latter one is a practice American and Saudi students share. :-)


9. I am a foreign-born teacher. As a young boy, I remember making fun of the way most of my foreign-born teachers talked. I now understand the courage it took for them to leave their home country and experience a new one for the grand purpose of "the better making of men." I could have been more understanding and patient with teachers who had thick accents. The kids here are able to understand me for the most part. There are a few that ask me to repeat something or slow down. My Arabic is, in my best Charles Barkley voice, turrible. Most of my students are quick to help me with pronouncing the words. Though there are sounds that I have yet to perfect, and may not for some time, I am encouraged by my students' willingness to support me. I can't say I did the same with my teachers. I apologize.


10. When's the best time to run errands? After 7pm. Anytime during the day can be a crap shoot. Businesses SHUT DOWN for prayer. It can sometimes take them an hour to re-open. A business can also be closed for no reason! It's very frustrating to wait in a car for a store to open up and it wasn't even closed for prayer. It's usually best to go straight home from work, take a nap, and then go back out. I'll probably elaborate more about this in a later post.

Talk to y'all later.

"Enjoy the little things, for one day you may look back and realize they were big things."- Robert Brault

Wolfman Gets His Ears Lowered

It's been almost two months since I've had a haircut. As you may have gathered from the title of this post, I was a hairy man. I was finally able to go to a barber in my neighborhood that a few of my friends recommended. All of my previous barbers have done the following: drop everything to argue down another customer. He could be doing a great job of cutting your hair and is quick about it. He's about half way through your hair cut, and in walks this fool that wants to have a debate with your barber. SMH... it never fails. The barber begins his argument by telling the other person "You're a [dang] lie! Tom Brady is not the best quarterback of all time! Peyton Manning is!" You immediately begin to think to yourself, "Mother [Father]!!" So as the two engage in the battle of "wits," you're looking like you cut our own hair using a fun house mirror and some safe scissors. Every now and then, he'll shave off a whisker or two, then back to debating the jive turkey that started this mess. 30 minutes later, your hair cut is complete. You've paid your bill and dapped up the barber. As soon as you finish the dap, he turns around and says, "Now what was that [nonsense] you were talking earlier? Brady who?" This was also the case here in Saudi Arabia. But I had no idea what they were saying because they were speaking Arabic. It wasn't a very animated nor long conversation. Which is always good. I hate when people come in the shop and piss off my barber while I'm in the chair! The barber also answered his phone and carried on a conversation. But this was while the customer before me was in the chair. So, it appears that answering their cell phone while cutting your hair is also a universal trait of all barbers. HOWEVER, the quality of the care versus the cost here was even better than getting your hair cut in the 1st floor bathroom of a freshman dorm by your RA from STRONG ISLAND for $10 (HU RHO!). The service included: hair cut (Caesar, of course), edging with a straight razor that was cleaned with fire in front of you, beard and mustache grooming, exfoliating with coconut mixture and steamed towel, face massage, aftershave and shoulder massage. I told him I was good on the shoulder massage, LOL. But this man also possessed another trait that is common with other barbers: being deeply interested in your life. He wanted to know where I'm from, what I did and what was I doing in Saudi Arabia. Obviously, there were some things that were different. In this shop, there was no hip hop or reggae playing in the background, there was no smell of burnt hair, and not a single pedestrian came in requesting to use the facilities. I never noticed until now how much I miss those little things. The total cost of the service was 20 Riyals. Which is about $5.33 tip included. I quickly got over my nostalgia once I learned the cost of such excellent service by Joel, my barber.


So tell me, did I get a bargain?

Dinnertime!!

I know it's been almost a month since I posted my first blog entry. I appreciate everyone that has inquired about my life here in Saudi Arabia. Time passes so quickly. I can't believe I've already been here a month. But, no EXCUSES. I will do a better job of keeping you informed about the happenings here in the Kingdom. My apologies to everyone that has called, emailed, text, FaceBooked, or any other way you communicated with me that you wanted to know what's going on. In the previous post I said I will talk about certain things in the following post. I apologize for misleading you. I've decided not to predetermine what my next entry will be about. You all will be informed about what happened in Dubai and other events that have occurred since the first post. For now, enjoy Dinnertime!